I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
