No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
