I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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