I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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