if you like me you must not know who I am
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
