I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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