he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
