Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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