If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
