I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
