My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
