Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
