Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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