i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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