You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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