No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
