If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
