so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
