Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
