woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
where am i from again
Ketchup is God's man juice
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
