We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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