Just fell off a train. Bad.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
