why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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