You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
