I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
