I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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