Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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