Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
