he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
