A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
