I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
