yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
