dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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