i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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