I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
