my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
