yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
