The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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