Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
