does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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