she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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