you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
