he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
