I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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