I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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