I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
