ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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