my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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