i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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