Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
