how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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