at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
