i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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