Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
